LUNCH DOWN AT THE CHAR-BROILED
and SOUL-SEARED INN
(Just Quote Jesus)
by Dick Carmack
(Obviously Inspired by C.S. Lewis)
The Devil and “Most Senior Demon Honorable Screwtape” were having a lunch of “Broiled Jr. Devil” (those that had messed up) with dessert of frozen bureaucrat. They also had table guests from the CIA, NSA, FBI and the White House, most wearing hoods over their faces, and all of whom knew all about the mega-data collection processes called “Facebook, Twitter etc…” That’s the internet system that has been set up to build dossiers on every living person on earth, so in case of need, it would all be there in black and white.
Screwtape, double and triple chewing his Leg of Demon, sweating profusely, screwed up his courage and ventured, “Sir.”
“What is it Skull and Bones?” the Devil asked.
“Sir.” He stuttered, afraid he would be eaten next for lunch tomorrow after the news he had to deliver,
“Sir, we have a small problem. It seems things have not gone according to plan.”
“What under-earth are you possibly talking about?” asked Satan.
“Well, Most Honorable Sir, you are aware of our plan to destroy souls via “Facebook, Twitter” etc…., well Sir, it kinda seems to have backfired…”
James Clapper, B.O. (Obama) and Ex-Director Comer almost choked on their “Leg of Demon” and the CEO of CNN had a heart attack.
“WHAT? Tell me Screwtape, and make it short and accurate! Do you hear me?”
“Yesl Sir, it seems all the real Christians that we thought we had trapped, have taken a pledge to not post any more messages on Facebook, Twitter or ANY OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA SITE, unless they also QUOTE JESUS!”
Mt 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
The Devil choked. He threw down his fork and threatened to order nine demons to grab Screwtape and throw him as close as possible to the Promised Lake of Fire that was waiting out back!
“How under-the-earth did you let this happen??? Tell me, you miserable little piece of toasted-cinder-to-be! WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP IT?” Did you say ALL of the Christians?”
“NO SIR! Just those who are real, and not just pretending to be Christians!”
“It seems some fanatics way over there in London (quotejesus.com) were the first ones to take the PLEDGE and now millions and millions of them are doing it! Our prize project is being flooded with ‘the Knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ!’ And there’s not a thing we can do about it except send out more demons.
Screwtape got red in the face, swallowed hard and continued,
“Sir, Sire, Please be forgiving, but I have even more bad news…On top of quoting Jesus they have also been (gulp) STUDYING PROPHECY!”
We’re doing our best however, sending out platoons, companies even battalions of agile agents, expert in sitting on shoulders, whispering…
“Don’t do that! Don’t do that! It’ll make you look like a fanatic and your ‘friends’ will laugh at you! Don’t do that!”
“Sadly, every last one of them (the hated Christians) have pledged…
“LORD give me_______ __________ the courage to stand up for You. Remind me dear Lord, that every time I post ANYTHING on Social Media to always take advantage of the opportunity and QUOTE JESUS! (quotejesus.com)
Mt 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
“We have tried ridicule by ‘friends’ that don’t believe, but it looks like not even that is working. BUT I HAVE A PLAN! Please Sir, don’t throw me near the Promised Lake of Fire….!”
“What’s your plan???” Screamed Lucifer. ‘Tell me if you can, you miserable little scoop of ashes!’”
“Sir!” trembled Screwtape, “The only solution is to shut it all down and come up with something else. If we don’t the corrupters (Christians), who are sabotaging us from the inside are going to take over our whole project! Yes, I know Mark Zuckerberg and the others will be disappointed but we have to move fast and there are more out there that will do our bidding.”
Satan held his head in his hands and lamented with flaming hot tears, HORRORS!,
“My greatest brain-storm tuned against me! Who would have thought the very best tool I planned to use to take over the world and keep all of them away from Jesus, will now be used against me? Curses! Curses! Curses! Laments, Laments, Laments!”
Clapper, Ex-Comer, the rest of the U.S. traitors, the appointed trolls and all the “mainstream media” present fainted dead away, as the Legs of Demon landed on the hot coals. Ninety-nine demons were instantly sent to scoop up the “Smoking Big-Shots” and deposit them out back near the Promised Hot Pond. As that happened, a terrible moan was heard rising from the Prince of Darkness, pleading,
“LORD HELP ME!!! OOPS! I didn’t mean that! No, no, NO! I didn’t mean that! Somebody else help Me!” And then when it seemed all hope was gone…
John 8:7 …He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
A HOT-HEADED BRAINSTORM!
“We’ll set up a new fascination! We’ll introduce “Sleep Sheep!”
“Have Amazon and Google get busy and market some inexpensive little items we will call “Calming Waters” that you use with a brain-plug via Opioid pills. After all, pharmakeia is one of our best tools!
“Here, just take this little red pill when you go to bed and by morning you’ll be shouting the praises of our New World Order, and by noon tomorrow you’ll be members of the Universal Church of the Bloodless Lamb! Just send us your credit card # and expiration date and we’ll rush out our latest model updated prayer cloth!”
Alas, that failed also. Instead of dreams of world conquest, people just kept on dreaming about heaven, quoting Jesus and having VISIONS of forgiven sin as by the hundreds of thousands people became genuinely Born Again and saved from sin.
Out back, by the Promised Hot Pond, a plaintive, wailing voice was heard arising from a slumped over dark figure with I-Pad in his lap, holding his hands (over his ear-phones) to his dead-head and pleading out loud…
“Somebody, somebody, please, please help me, please, I’m having heat-stroke.”
Mt 19:26 …With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.
Dick Carmack can be reached by email: firstname.lastname@example.org